“Home Depot” Gay

I was at a party the other night with some pals when after a great many drinks, the topic of sexual identity came up. It wasn’t really a big deal, it never is but it got me thinking. Some guys, in a gesture of masculine hospitality of course, kept telling me how they really appreciated the fact that my sexual identity was never my first and foremost factor. I wasn’t simply a gay man.
I have no stereotypical lisp. I don’t walk around with a limp wrist. I’m not huge on words like “fabulous” or “divine”.
I’m a writer. I’m a tattoo enthusiast. I’m a music lover. I’m all of these things in addition to my identity as a homosexual male.
It may sound self-loathing, but it’s just always been the way I am. My friends and I have actually come up with a term for it. We like to call it “Home Depot Gay”. The joke is, I can’t help you pick out which dress to wear for your date and re-install the shelves in your closet all at the same time.
I’ve never denied who I was. If someone’s curious about my sexuality, I’ll be honest, but I think the situation can be approached with more tact than quoting Streisand’s entire discography or fulfilling some other painful stereotype. However, this got me to thinking about the sense of culture that goes along with the practice of labeling people in terms of these stereotypical characteristics. Although I think it’s entirely possible to accept the idea of a masculine homosexual, for some reason other identity groups have difficulty acknowledging it. By heterosexual men, I am viewed as male but it discounts the fact that I’m a homosexual male.
However, it seems that I’ve encountered more confrontation from queer culture in identifying myself as a masculine gay guy. It ranges from being called self-loathing by not fulfilling all the stereotypes that heterosexual culture puts forth to being “a bad gay” which to that I must issue an apology, I didn’t know we were being graded.
I guess my biggest problem is with the idea that no one seems to be able to grasp the concept that there is such an identity as “masculine homo”. It’s not recognized by heterosexual culture where “masculine” is really the only word they hear. Even more disappointing is the fact that it’s not accepted in queer culture. Evidently “homo” is the only thing of interest in that statement.
It’s difficult to feel a sense of any identity when one’s own identification isn’t recognized.


2 thoughts on ““Home Depot” Gay

  1. I can’t even express correctly in words how much I loved getting to read this. I liked what you said about the phrase “masculine homo.” As much as it shouldn’t be, it’s made to be an oxymoron in today’s society. I think you showed that perfectly with your Streisand comment haha! Seriously though, I really enjoyed reading this, and can’t wait for more.

  2. Yeah, it’s a conundrum, isn’t it? I think people (gay guys included) have to just acknowledge that there are all different kinds of gays and not try to cram us into some box of how we’re supposed to act. Gayness can’t explain all of one’s interests/traits. There’s so much more to it than that.

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