Inane Ramblings on Count Chocula

Count Chocula, an inspiration to kids everywhere (or at least the fat ones). However, no longer being a child (in the physical sense at least), I still enjoy his company every so often. Anyways, while enjoying my morning meal of Lucky Charms, I was reminded of the Count. Being that I had already finished my cartoons, my mind was a blank and began to wander, as it usually does. Let me guide you through my delicate thought process.
Count Chocula is a Count. He is a Count whose name ends in “ula” therefore he is likened to Count Dracula. Count Dracula was a vampire, a bloodsucker. If those two are in the same league is Count Chocula really a role model or suitable mascot? I think not! I don’t even think he’s really a Count… although I can’t testify to that fact because I don’t even really know what the title of Count means… Even more so, I’ve never seen Count Chocula drink blood in his life, so he’s a fraud too!
And finally, due to the chocolatey nature of his name am I supposed to believe that he drinks chocolate instead of blood? What, he drinks the sap from cocoa trees? Because I’m pretty sure those farmers don’t get paid very well for their crops… that doesn’t make Count Chocula a vampire, that just makes him a dick.
And there you have the end of my thought process.


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