What I Learned in Court Today

So for all those of you who haven’t heard, I’m now the proud owner of a class C misdemeanor… however, what I found more odd than the unexpected prosecution on behalf of the state of Indiana was the rest of the audience. Although I realize when being prosecuted one can’t really point fingers and laugh at others, but the way I see it, something good had to come from my little run in with the law. And believe me, what follows is about as good as it gets.
I think my personal favorite was the guy who was being charged on 3 separate counts. I know what you’re thinking, what is a poor, misunderstood kid like myself doing amongst these ruffians? I know, it’s hard to believe. It’s hard to believe and utterly beside the point all at the same time… So this guy is facing 3 charges, 2 invasion of privacy charges made by the same girl and then 1 count of domestic assault. Even more unbelievable was his current girlfriend was in the crowd, breast feeding in court. I’m all for women being able to breast feed in public, it solidifies the bond and all that bullshit, but seriously, in court? I think Britney Spears is even amazed at how trashy that is. To add insult to injury, she’s sitting there in court while this guy is being charged with invasion of privacy of another girl… I think that’s as good a cue as any to start collecting child support and changing the locks but, eh, who am I to judge?
Anyways, when the judge begins to read him what he’s being charged with, the man raises his hand. “You honor,” he says in a Southern twang that brings the pluckings of Dueling Banjos to mind, “in my defense, the invasion of privacy thing isn’t true…”
The judge then asks him how is it not true. The man explains that his current girlfriend can vouch that they were both asleep at the time that the events in question occured. being a better man than I, the judge decides to look past his alibi of “my witness can testify to the fact that we were both asleep…” and asks him if he plans to plead not guilty. “Yes, your honor.” He replies. The judge takes note of this and finishes reading the charges, listing the domestic assault. Okay, so at this point, it is my place to judge. I’m sure his girlfriend still has swollen ankles (the baby doesn’t look that old) but for christ’s sake I don’t care if you hafta get a wheelchair or a segue, but for god’s sake get away from this guy. “Now wait, your honor,” the guy interrupts, “I hit a different girl…” So this is pretty much warning number 3 to this woman but she remains there and continues to breast feed.
This brings me to my main point. No one deserves to be hit, I’m not trying to say that so don’t get offended just yet. In a simple sentence… stupid people deserve one another. If this chick doesn’t get the fact that this guy is clearly not a prime candidate to be her baby daddy, that’s her own fault. I just can’t believe that someone can have that much faith in another person to think that “Oh, he’s stalking his ex-girlfriend…” (mind you, he’s stalking the ex-girlfriend while still dating the current girlfriend… not a great sign) and “Well, he does hit people…” but still be dumb enough to believe that it’ll be different with her.
I understand, there’s a whole lotta psychology and backstory that goes into these cases, but seriously, he’s facing 3 counts! I just don’t see this ending well, is all I’m saying. Anyways, I just thought I’d share with you all a personal philosophy which I’ve made abundantly clear to all those who know me in person. Stupid people deserve one another.
In hindsight, maybe wearing a wife beater and calling my ex and hanging up 50 times within the hours of 12 AM and 5 AM while my current lover “sleeps” beside me might just be the boost my love life needs…


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