Why Inhibitions Are a GOOD Thing

they say drinking lowers your inhibitions. it allows you do the things you’ve always wanted to do. well, if that’s the case, ladies and gentleman, i have my dream career. i like to think small so it’s a rather modest one, but here’s what it is… first and foremost, i live to drink. then, when sufficiently drunk i aim to come up with a token expression for the night (since i’m already drunk at this point the expressions are strikingly similar, but it’s the subtle nuances that allow me to truly express myself). for instance, on an average thursday night my expression will be me looking cross eyed with my tongue hanging out to the left. however, if i’m upset about something or feeling particularly philosophical that night, i go cross eyed and stick my tongue out to the right. don’t ask me why, that’s pretty much just how i roll. now the final few steps are where you really gotta step up your game. this separates the men from the boys. you hafta find a drunk girl. she can’t be wasted so that she can’t stand up on her own (i mean, c’mon, you might need her to take the token myspace ‘hold the camera and take the picture of yourself and by yourself’ and what good is a wasted girl there?) but she has to be drunk enough that she thinks every picture is a good picture. i find most women (or at least the ones i know) have about a 3 or 4 shot warming up period. keep a close eye on the really skinny ones, it usually means less waiting time for the impatient drunkard. now, for the pièce de résistance. the actual picture taking. position yourself strategically so the other people in the picture can’t see you, on the off chance that you misjudged them and they nag you for “ruining” their picture when all you were trying to do was accentuate it or make them look better in comparison. now that you’ve established your look and your audience, you can feel free to tool around the party, ruining various other people’s pictures. now, i know what some people might be thinking. “man, thats a sad life goal” or “geez, guy doesn’t have much to live for”, but ya know what i say to that? i’ve already achieved my life goal, what have you done with your life asshole?


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