My Beef with Cartoons

I’m not all up in arms about it or anything but there are just some serious problems that have plagued the cartoon industry since day one. Now maybe it’s indicative of my lifestyle or my state of boredom that I’m taking the time to write about them, but I legitimately feel that they’re worth addressing. However, I am also saying this at 10:30 in the morning on a Friday when I have no class so I’ll let you be the judge.

I think my biggest problem is that some can talk and others can’t. You have the classic Tom & Jerry’s which possibly showed the most consistency with their choice of no dialogue. I think later on they may have started to talk, but that’s irrelevant. At least they were consistent in that at the same time Tom & Jerry couldn’t talk, both of them couldn’t talk. Even when they started talking, BOTH of them started talking. That at least shows some consistency, whereas you have some classics as Chip ‘n Dale where Chip, Dale, Monterey Jack, and just about every other character can speak in words and you’ve got Zipper who can’t be understood by the audience, but inexplicably can be understood by the Rescue Rangers. I don’t know, maybe I thought too much about my cartoons as a kid, but I don’t think it’s so difficult to expect a fly to speak some English if the mice can. Especially since they’d just have Chip or Dale rephrase what he said in English kinda like how they did with Lassie. Zipper would squeak for an excruciatingly painful 30 seconds and Chip would say “What’s that? Monterey Jack and Dale are in trouble?” Then why not just have him say that rather than make my ears bleed from the squeaking of that damned fly?

I suppose what it boils down to self awareness on an animated scale, which seems kinda like a heavy concept for children, but then again, i doubt they were thinking about it in the first place. Another problem that I had with cartoons as a child which could be chalked up with the acceptance of the idea of self awareness is animated nudity. You have Minnie and Mickey who won’t go anywhere without their lame little matching outfits but then you have Pluto who wore no clothes at all. I suppose that might be due to the fact that Pluto was supposed to be Mickey’s dog (don’t even get me started on how that works) but still even real dogs wear a nice dog sweater every so often. Even more troublesome were characters like Donald Duck. He seemed to be the middle ground for the debate as to whether cartoonists should actually take the time to animate clothes on animals or not. I don’t understand how a duck can get out of the shower and wrap a towel around his waist (which he does and I have the YouTube clip to prove it) before taking the time to put on a shirt and walking outside entirely pants-less. He obviously has something to hide because he wore a towel out of the shower… but what he had to hide? A secret Disney took to his grave…

Now back to the whole Pluto being Mickey’s dog thing. Forget the fact that any dog would make that mouse his bitch or even the fact that Pluto is inexplicably half the size of a mouse and concentrate on the fact that one animal, the weaker one no less, owns another animal. I don’t know about you but I think people had a deal like that once… Oh yeah, it was called slavery. I mean, what the hell man? There have been people bitching and whining about Spongebob indoctrinating their children with the gay agenda (although sponges are by nature asexual and reproduce through regeneration) but no one’s up in arms about the fact that we’ve got animals owning other animals? If the Coalition for Family Values is bitching about a homo sponge, I demand that they get just as offended by Disney’s use of slavery in their cartoons. Yeah, I don’t really see that happening either… My thing is I can’t possibly be the first one to read slavery into that whole thing. I’m not even the most overly political correct person I know. Next thing ya know they’re gonna have Mickey takin’ a huge bite out of a medium rare steak. I mean, seriously guys, I think cannibalism is probably where we should draw the line…

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