Rejection. It even sounds humiliating. I mean, largely because it is, but it’s one of those words that just leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. But, that’s the name of the game today. I’m grateful for the job I recently got, but I was hoping that I’d eventually be able to segue into writing, but the odds of that aren’t looking too good as of right now.
But ya know what it is? It’s not even the “no” part. I’ve been told no before. Haven’t we all? It’s not just the no. It’s the perception that goes along with that no. That idea that you’re somehow not good enough. Eventually that inferiority eats away at you, and the self-consciousness and neuroses really take a hold of you. The problem is… this doesn’t do wonders for you. I mean, they thought my writing was bad now? I can tell ya right now that it’l definitely suffer from this roadblock. Of course, there’s the standard “we shall overcome” thing, which I’m sure will eventually happen (after I get tired of feeling sorry for myself and licking my wounds), but until then I’m stuck. Lacking motivation, inspiration, and let’s just face it, self-respect, isn’t gonna do wonders for me.
Finally, there’s the condescension. “We’re sorry we can’t help you, but best of luck on your career path!” It’s okay if you don’t mean it. Just don’t say it if you don’t mean it. It’s not re-assuring, it’s not heartwarming, it’s not proof that you “care”. It’s just bullshit is what it is. If you don’t have the time or resources or to hire (or even if you just don’t want me) tell me. At least have the decency to say it without forcing me to read a lengthy e-mail about “an unprecedented number of applicants” and “for unspecified reasons”. Really? You made me read all that for the word no? I’m fine with just ripping the band-aid off. Oh, and just so you’re aware, if you have time to read and look through submissions, you have time to specify a reason. Just on the level of human decency, I’m owed that. How am I supposed to fix what I’m doing (like the condescending e-mail recommended) unless I know what I’m doing wrong?
This wasn’t so much of a post today as it was an undignified rant on personal life problems. Sorry guys. In between the rejection and the overall condescension of getting told my writing is shit via e-mail, somewhere along the road, my “fragile ego” took a hit. I know, most of you didn’t think that was possible. Well, here it is. The only way that I see fit to end this rant is with one of my least favorite platitudes (always used in a situation like this, oddly enough). Better luck next time.