Okay, so I’ve been doing a lot of horror movie watching (seriously, I know, it’s like the shock of the century) and I just have something to say. Time after time, you’ve got this ultimate baddie, be it a masked man or an inbred hillbilly, which evidently happens a lot more than you’d think, stalking down vulnerable sexy teens, right? And it always seems to happen that a whole bunch of killings take place and everybody’s screamin’ and runnin’ around, whcih, ya know, I can kinda see why, but there’s always been one thing that’s bothered me.
The main girl (or guy… but usually girl) almost always gets her dumb ass kidnapped by the villain of the piece. Now, where other men and women have faced off against him and been struck down, for some reason, this girl is special. She doesn’t get an axe to the face (Okay, I admit, I was watching Wrong Turn, but I’m not proud) she ALWAYS gets taken away. Now, the audience knows why she’s special because most of the time, she’s already been picked to be the final girl to make it, although there are some exceptions. But this girl gets dragged away, kicking and screaming when it’d really just be more practical to kill her and get the whole thing over with, but do the baddies care about this? Nooo! So they take her back to their place and tie her down and then commence the elaborate preparations for killing her, when others just got an axe to the face, just in time for the male to step in and save the day, and live happily ever after.
Okay, so I get that it’s horror and that it requires a certain element of suspension of disbelief. I’ll go with you on that one, but the suspension of disbelief is that Michael Myers could just get up and walk away after falling out that window (sorry, but you probably should’ve seen the first Halloween by now). Suspension of disbelief does not cover the painfully drawn out process of sanitizing instruments of murder. I mean, does it really matter if you sanitize them anyway? It’s not like it matters if she gets tetanus!
I guess my main problem isn’t that this girl always goes to the second location, even though they tell you specifically not to go to the second location… I mean, it’s not like she has much of a choice. But still, that there’s even a second location at all! I don’t know, call me old-fashioned, but I believe in killing all people equally. If an axe in the face is good enough for one girl, it should be good enough for all girls. Okay, that sounds bad, but you know what I mean. It’s just the principle of the second location that totally removes me from the suspense and tension of the movie. But then again, horror is kinda bound by its traditions, so I guess I’ll just get used to it.