Dear John

Dear John,
To the untrained eye, this might appear to be a movie review of whatever latest trash Amanda Seyfried is in. Sorry Amanda, but after Jennifer’s Body AND Dear John, I have a right to be a little disappointed. No, this one’s for my other John, the dear John Stamos. Now, John (pardon the informality, but after 8 seasons of “Full House”, I feel entitled) just wanted to see how it’s been. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen you in anything else but those awful ads you seem to keep doing. Sorry, I don’t count “ER”. You could’ve done better John, you could’ve done better. I’m even willing to overlook the occasional Hallmark Movie of the Month appearance. Granted, the idea of you with a guy was admittedly pretty hot, so I’ll overlook “Wedding Wars”, but seriously buddy, we can do a little better.
However, rather than list your various failures, why don’t you highlight the good? I’m gonna start with those genes. I can only hope to look as good as you in my mid-40s. But don’t think me shallow, there are some other definite positives. Like those years in “Full House”? Forget about it! I spent summers with my uncle Mark up at the family cabin in Minnesota just wishing he could have an OUNCE of the coolness that Uncle Jesse did. Sadly, all the wishing in the world did not make my uncle Mark any cooler. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, but let’s be real, he’s no uncle Jesse. You own the cool uncle image. Embrace it.
Still, I must admit, this letter of flattery has an ulterior motive. I could make up some story about some sick kid in middle America who’s dying wish is to see a jesse & the Rippers reunion. Well, sorry to disappoint John, but it’s not. It’s just mine. Anyway, now that “ER” is over and IMDb only lists you as having one project in progress, I figured you might have a lot of free time. So, yeah, a jesse & the Rippers reunion certainly couldn’t hurt team morale, so think it over? Thanks! Hope to hear the announcement of a reunion tour in the pages of EW sometime soon.
Sincerely,
Calhoun

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