Why I Should Still Be Allowed to Wear Velcro Shoes… Without Embarrassment

I’m not going to pretend like I don’t take a stand on weird things. I know that I do. Just consider it part of my charm. But I’ve got news for you folks, as my faithful readers (I’m sure I’ve still got a couple out there) you’re just going to have to deal with it. I don’t mean it in a rude way. I’m just saying, you had to have known what you were signing on for. Or better yet, consider me the voice for the disenfranchised. Sounds dignified, doesn’t it?

Well, let’s be realistic here, dignity and what I do have little to do with one another, but still, I’ll consider myself a voice for those who can’t find the words to speak out. For instance, the velcro shoes community. Some may scoff, but I know it exists. Proof? The Facebook group I joined “I hate tying my shoes, but I’m too old for velcro”. Mind you, I never said I had very legitimate proof, but there it is.

Even in the title of the group, there’s this idea that there’s an age limit on fashion statements (and yes, I am calling velcro shoes a fashion statement) but why is that? I mean, I can understand high school where so many folks are clamoring to be the same so as not to be noticed, but let’s say, college? College is the time for individuality for most. You know what I’m talking about, whether it be finally taking a political stance or that one awkward sexually confused night with that chick down the hall. So why doesn’t the velcro shoe stage a comeback at the college level? I wish I could answer that question, but frankly, I’m as in the dark as you are.

I mean, let’s look at the facts. Velcro shoes never stop being convenient. I mean, they will always be easier to secure than tying a knot. It’s just plain true. It’s not like those light-up sneakers you had as a kid. Because if you look back at that amazing display of fashion-forwardness you’ll see that those were strictly ornamental. No purpose. Now velcro serves a purpose! Furthermore, look at all the other uses of velcro. It’s not like since velcro shoes have declined in popularity the whole velcro industry has been turned on its head. It’s still a valid and useful material. In fact, there are companies that still manufacture velcro so in NOT buying velcro shoes, you might as well be a communist.

So consider this a call to arms. bring back the velcro shoe, not only for fashion’s sake, but for the sake of the American industry. I mean, it’s a simple decision really. Sure, it may take a little time for the trend to catch on, but we all know fashion is cyclical so it was just going to happen anyway. Why not just beat everyone to the punch? Unless you’re a communist… yeah, think on that.


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