You should be ashamed of yourself Chex Mix. Priding yourself on being a healthier alternative snack (besides the massive amounts of sodium) and yet, we’ve come to this. Most people might not know what I’m talking about, but I’m calling foul on this one. Be prepared for shock when I reveal what I’m about to tell you folks. Chex Mix… is a racist.
Well, not in the traditional sense… okay, maybe not in any sense, but let me explain what I’m talking about. Have you ever had a bag of Chex Mix and you open it up and grab a handful or pour a little into a bowl? I don’t know how you people eat your Chex Mix, I’m just saying. Whatever method you use, next time you do, take a look at the assortment. I can almost guarantee you you’ll have all the same flavor, or whatever you call it. With my luck, I always get a handful of wheat Chex, the scourge of the earth.
To those nay sayers out there, they DO taste different, okay? The wheat ones are gross and the rice ones are delightful, but even the Chex portion of the mix aside, you’ll notice that pretty much all are separate until you’re down to the last handful. This could be due to a simple explanation, such as pretzels are heavier than rice Chex so that’s why all the pretzels settle down at the bottom, but still! It’s criminal! I mean, if I just wanted to eat them separately, why not just buy the bags individually? Lord knows I’d be left with less wheat Chex that way… but that’s not the point!
The point is, when I go out to the store, what is it that I’m buying? That’s right, I’m buying Chex MIX. I mean, it’s in the title for God’s sake, why is it so hard to fathom that there should be a variety? I don’t think it sounds so ridiculous, but apparently to the evil geniuses at Chex, who apparently dream of an all wheat world, what I’m asking for is ludicrous. Well, I say that the buck stops here! I’m tired of only wheat Chex and pretzels and an occasional garlic chip! I want the mix I was promised damn it!
From this day forth, I shall not stop till I see some damn integration within the Chex Mix community! Okay, being a little more realistic now… I’ll probably forget about this by lunch time, but still, let’s have some variety, Chex Mix, okay? It’s not too much to ask… but while I’m asking favors, let’s cut back on the wheat, deal? It really does taste awful.