Pretending to Eat Your Kids: Stimulating or Just Plain Creepy?

I hope everybody’s ready for another rousing segment of “why the hell do people do that?” because I’ve had this one on the back burner for a while. Now I know what I’m about to ask is just about as random as the act itself and, let’s be real, nobody really acts that normal around babies, but here goes.

I was on the playground yesterday (yes, I’m 22 and there were mothers with their children so it may have given off the pedo vibe) and I was watching as these young mothers pushed their children. It’s always sweet to see how mothers interact with their babies. There’s such compassion and hell, after spending 9 months in my body, I’d probably be protective of a kid too if I were them. It was all very sweet and very Hallmark until the baby stuff kicked in. I’m not talking about inappropriate breast feedings or anything, but that whole thing that mothers do to their kids when they, like, pretend to eat their feet or whatever. Do you know what I’
m talking about? They go “om nom nom nom” and pretend to eat their kids feet while spouting out ridiculous baby talk and tickling them.

I was trying to find proof by googling it, but you’ll just have to take my word for it after getting some disturbing results. Sure, some were articles that said that it stimulates the babies, whereas others were news articles about a woman ACTUALLY eating her baby, so consider my search for proof done.

So I get that it makes babies smile, but just think about it. I mean, it is a kind of weird practice? Maybe it’s just as a casual observer it’s weird to me, but whenever I see it, I get these traumatic stress flashbacks.

See, when I was little, my older brothers, my sister, and I all had pet rats. Don’t ask me why, we just did and I loved Rizzo (being a pop culture savvy 5 year old, I named mine after the Muppet) but of course he had to go and get my sister’s rat pregnant. Well, when we came down one day after the babies had been born, my sister’s rat was eating her own babies. Not a great thing to walk in on when you’re a little kid or really ever for that matter.

So, do you see where I’m coming from? Pretending to eat your own young after seeing firsthand a mother eat her own young is just kind of creepy. It adds an even creepier dimension after reading the article about the mother who chewed off her own baby’s toes and ate part of his brains. Yeah, I got curious after seeing the headlines… Bottom line, I’m not looking for sense. The one thing I’ve realized is that people, especially mothers, are all but logical when it comes to their kids.


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