My Inner Child Is Tired of Being Profiled!

Listen, we all have our guilty pleasures, right? Most people who know me (or really anyone with an internet connection and my Facebook) know that I’m a sucker for comic books, particularly Batman. I could go on and on about the caped crusader and what he means to me and how I relied on those comics to escape the boredom of predominantly white, middle-upper class suburbia, but really, who wants to hear about that?

So every so often, I indulge myself a little, pick up a trade or an animated movie. You know, it’s the small things that keep us sane and all that Anna Quindlen stuff. So naturally, I was pretty excited about the new batman animated movie Batman: Under the Red Hood. Believe me, I’ve sat through some bad ones, but anything for Bruce Wayne. For those who are fans, it’s actually not half bad and I was surprised that they went with a storyline that nobody else would want to touch when they brought Jason Todd into the picture. All you Batman fans know the story of the ill-fated Boy Wonder… But this isn’t a review. Okay, on a quick side note, for Batman fans, I recommend checking it out because it’s got some great animation and a surprisingly well-executed storyline.

But no, this is about something else entirely. I know to some it might seem like I spend a lot of time complaining about trivial matters. Then again, who doesn’t love a good rant? So if you’re not interested in what ridiculous problem I’ve got now, well, I can’t imagine why you’ve even read this far.

When I sat down to watch the movie, I was getting all ready to get in touch with my inner nerd and enjoy some comic book fun, but what’s this? I’ve gotten used to having to trudge through studio logos and previews for other animated abortions I have no interest in seeing, but first up was a commercial for Mattel Collectors. I don’t know how many of you know them, but toy collectors can be a particularly odd bunch. Every so often, you get the passionate, down to earth folks, but believe me when I say it’s a rarity. And here I was, being lumped in with the rest of them.

Like I said, I indulge myself when I watch these movies. I’m not expecting cinematic masterpieces, but I can count on a good time, even if it is a little childish. But there’s no need to just profile me as some emotionally stunted guy who lives in his mother’s basement drinking kool-aid and eating rice krispie treats while playing World of Warcraft. Don’t get me wrong, if that’s your thing, that’s cool too, it’s just not mine. But still, we all get lumped together.

What if it’s just an innocent ad aimed at kids, you say? Well, how many kids do you know that are serious toy collectors? Sure, maybe I took it a little too personally, but I’m just here to say, we’re not all the same guy, or girl for that matter. Who am I to say that some women wouldn’t enjoy this movie? Exactly! I have no right, just like you dicks at DC Universe. Quit trying to make me a full-fledged geek, when me and my inner child are just trying to have a good time.

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