Never in a million years did I ever imagine that I’d be saying this, but here it goes anyway… Nazareth was right. Love hurts, pure and simple. Or at least the breakup does. There’s the initial horror of it and then there are the everyday reminders that kick you while you’re down.
Who knows? It might just be because it happened Monday (hence the unexplained leave of absence) but there are those things that you’re terrified will never change or get better, but through all the pain, I choose to believe people’s cliches rather than think about the ugly alternatives.
Because believe me, after all this, I’m more aware of people’s ugliness than ever before. Not the “ex” boyfriend in question (who’s been nothing but a gentleman and supportive this entire time and continues to be a dear friend) but rather, my own ugliness. I found myself getting bitter and jealous and protective and insecure, which never really helps anyone in these types of situations. But then again, I’m not gonna pretend that all emotion is rational… or really any emotion is rational.
Still, I can’t help but be somewhat glad that through this break-up, the green eyed beast of jealousy has been somewhat subdued. We’ll see how long that lasts, especially in my new place. No cable and limited internet access leaves me with a lot of time alone in my own head. Maybe it’ll do me some good, but the bigger part of me is scared that no good can come of this.
Anyways, this more of a post to acknowledge, yes, I’m off my game right now and I’m gonna try to get it together to post something soon, but I’ve got a lotta work to do on myself and in my own life before I can get back to writing. Expect something more coherent and put together tomorrow.