In honor of Independence Day, I’ve decided to do a little retrospective. See, I’m not sure if I always make this clear, but I, Calhoun Kersten, am proud to be an American. But before I start going on and on about how my country is better than yours, allow me to explain what being an American means to me.
Sure, being an America means being born and raised in the United States or passing a citizenship exam, but America is more than just a place on a map. It’s an idea. It’s a state of being.
It means hating other people for nothing more than the color of their skin or their belief in a different God than our own.
It means eating in excess while the rest of the world starves.
It means knowing what’s best for other countries (even if they think they know what’s best for themselves) and interfering when it’s none of our business anyways.
It means paying someone less just because their junk is on the inside.
It means drinking beer for breakfast to celebrate the birth of our nation. Okay, that one might just be me… but it certainly means drinking plenty of malt liquor and alcohol before handling flammables and brightly colored explosives.
In honor of our nation finally saying “enough is enough” and declaring freedom for all (except differently colored people, women, and gays), I did my best to exemplify the American spirit by drinking myself silly and watching fireworks, but I just felt that this important idea should be shared with one and all, on July 4th or on any other day.
In short, God bless America.