We’ve all been in those situations before. You know, the ones where you’re receiving the kind of unwanted attention that’s so uncomfortable, that it borders on the date rape-y side of things. The trick is to nip it in the bud. Now, some people would recommend simply being direct and saying you’re not interested… sure, I mean, I guess you could do that, but unless you’re leaving the bar or coffee shop directly after that conversation, it can make for some awkward silences. But there are still things to be said in those situations, things that make it a little more bearable in letting the other person down easy.
5. Fake a Phone Call
Now, this is pretty standard, but the joy of this one is that it can be executed two ways. the first is the obvious “someone calls with a fake emergency”, but who are we kidding? That’s pretty transparent. No, my personal favorite is taking the call and pretending it’s my mother or something…
Me: Hello? Yeah, sorry mom, it’s kinda loud in here…
Now, this is perfect because it gives you the opportunity to excuse yourself from the conversation and hope that the pursuer gets distracted by other prey… or you can continue on.
Me: Yeah, he seems like a really great guy. I’m still kinda getting to know him.
This is when you take the opportunity to look the other guy (or girl, if it happens to be the case) up and down, and describe him/her.
Me: Yeah, I don’t know, maybe 5′ 10… yeah, I really like him so far.
This is where your improv skills are really put to the test. Be forewarned, a background in Groundlings or Second City isn’t required but it certainly couldn’t hurt things either. You gotta keep the conversation going long enough to make it seem like the conversation could legitimately dovetail into this next part without prattling on so long that the other party loses interest.
Me: No, I think you’d really like him, mom. I mean, I don’t wanna jinx anything, but I’m pretty sure that this guy could be the one…
Now, if this guy doesn’t flinch at this, we’ve got a real problem. Either you’re chatting up the elusive (and sometimes unwanted) serial monogamist or there’s a good chance that he already put something in your drink and he’s just waiting for the liquid GHB to kick in.
Either way, no good can come of this.